Thougths and Ramblings..

A Few Thoughts Before Bed...
I have a few ideas running through my mind right now. I am really tired. It has been a great week for me, but yesterday the cold just kicked my butt. I am glad to have the next couple of days off. There is a lot going on in our nation, not to mention the world.. I think I will take my own advice and just focus on our nation for now…
1. I don’t care who you choose to marry, spend your life with or love; I don’t think the Government should either. We live in a time where things must change. It is no longer just vanilla, chocolate or strawberry; we have new flavors! I don’t think that it matters who or what you choose to love; I think that the important thing is that you CHOOSE to LOVE. May the SCOTUS find it’s courage to make the right decision for our nation at this time of transition and growth.
2. That Nutjob in Colorado who took all those lives of the individuals watching the BATMAN movie has decided to join the real world and communicate his desire to plea bargain to save him from the Death Penalty! Isn’t that convenient? He has somehow found his sanity to save his pitiful life! I personally, DO NOT BELIEVE in the Death Penalty; I have my reasons for that. Perhaps it stems from my religious upbringing or the fact that I just don’t believe it is our job to take the lives of those incarcerated. HOWEVER; I believe that this individual should be dipped in a tank full of hungry piranha, limb by limb…. That’s All.
3. I saw our illustrious leader on television the other day, at a ceremony naturalizing new American Citizens. Amongst these newly naturalized citizens were a dozen or so Military Personnel. 
Good for them! Congratulations and welcome to our country!
HOWEVER, with the sequestration affecting every other aspect of our country’s daily operation; shouldn’t Barry have waited to bring in new Citizens until all of this SEQUESTRATION drama has been settled??? After all, we have Air Traffic Control Towers that are currently unmanned. We have school children being turned away from The White House after planning months in advance to visit the domicile of the President and his Family; because of the SEQUESTRATION…. Really, Barry? You couldn’t put this photo op on hold for a few weeks or months?
I guess the SEQUESTRATION only affects what Obama wants affected. I saw on CNN that his family had a very nice vacation in the Bahamas! Couldn’t they, shouldn’t they have vacationed domestically to save a few TAX PAYER DOLLARS?!
I mean, what’s wrong with Walt Disney World? Universal Studios? Skiing in Aspen? Maybe even touring New York to see a Musical, some museums and maybe even touring the still un-repaired areas that were devastated by Super Storm Sandy, last year? It could’ve been educational as well as relaxing!
Just wanted to get my thoughts out before I lost them somewhere in DreamLand.

More Observations...

I wonder if all families are crazy? Sometimes, I enjoy sitting back and just watch what people are going through. What gets me is the pettiness of some things. Shit that goes back decades! I think about my dad sometimes. I always think of the good things. My dad was a great guy. Like I once described him to my friend Jo Hill back at Northpoint, "He was the best father he knew how to be..." 

Dad didn't have great examples back in his youth with his family. I don't want to go into it fully because, well, it would affect the family dynamic with everyone who is still around. Also, personally, I am a firm believer in not putting ones laundry out to dry in public; suffice to say, I believe that one will be who he wants to be, despite outside influences. 

I had a great upbringing. I was able to travel as a child, had the benefit of a private education and I had a family who loved me. I think they still do(love me, that is!), I know that I love them. it's like I tell the big guy upstairs everyday, I'd be nothing without them. I am well aware of that.

Dad made sure that we always had everything we needed; and stuff we didn't need as well. We went on vacations several times a year. We had bicycles, motorcycles, boats and all the extras that one could want. Life wasn't perfect by any means, but I/we were greatly blessed. We still are.

I don't know that I was the son that my father wanted. I did grow up pretty much not giving him any grief. I worked hard at that. I grew up watching my alcoholic uncle creating grief for everyone in the family. He was a real piece of work. He was one of the most intelligent men I have ever encountered in my life, but he didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain. Anyone know someone like that??? He is still a major asshole. Anyway, enough about him.

I was no saint; but I tried to be as good as I could be. Yes, I was a liar, a thief and a manipulator in my youth... but after a couple of behavioral interventions from my mom, dad and Grandpa Pete, I saw the errors of my ways... Of course when I acted out, the Penguins(nuns) at school typically found out what I was up to and they'd lay in to me too. 

I know that I am a sinner, I profess this to the lord every morning, afternoon and night. I ask him to help me be the best person I possibly can be. No easy task. I honestly feel for my Guardian Angel, he has a tough job.  I do try to live a decent life and to be the type of person who gives back to society as opposed to the type that takes away or is a burden upon society.
Is it easy; well, sometimes. However, like most people, I am tempted at times. Sin exists in the realm of the physical world; but the planning exists in the human psyche.

Everyone, goes through these things. Everyone experiences temptation. Some succumb to it, others defeat it. Despite ones response; it is safe to say, that temptation leaves an impact on your personality, character. This could be positive or negative, perhaps even some elements of both. No matter what, whomever we choose to be, we are human. We all have good and bad elements within us. We all have to learn to control these entities within us.

People who sit and ponder their place in the world, need to find the good things that they have within them. Sometimes this is hard for humans. I think it is hard for most people to say or admit the benevolence that they possess. It is far easier to ponder ones faults. I know it is for me.

Once, when I was at Northpoint, I had to respond on one of my employee evaluations, what my strengths were, in detail. Now, I know what they are; but admitting them aloud, well that's a different thing. I am great at most things that I undertake; however I try to show some semblance of humility. Not always an easy undertaking. But, one try's anyway. 

I have no trouble writing that I am great at everything I do. I believe that comes from something instilled in me by my dad. He always told me to not do things in a "mickey mouse" manner. He told me if I was going to be a shit shoveler, to be the best shit shoveler I could be. Thankfully, it hasn't come to that, yet. There is still time though!

Knowing how great I am(ahem), I have to look in the mirror and also admit that I am a lazy motherfucker. I own it. I am the laziest person I know. If in my travels, whether it be training or coordinating at Disney; or just in my daily encounters with people, I come across someone whom I consider to be lazy; that is a bad thing. 

Some people don't think I am lazy. I do appear to be a hard worker and I take pride in my work ethic. I am getting older. This month, I will be turning 49 years old; all that I can say is "wow". 
I don't think that I ever imagined myself at this age. In truth, it ain't no thing. I don't feel any different from when I was 29, 39 or 16 for that matter. 
I am in better physical shape than I was 20 years ago. I have lost nearly 200 pounds in the last eight years and I can really see it. I am still wearing the same clothes, which fit me like a tent for the most part and everyone around me tells me to buy new clothes but the truth is, it reminds me of where I was to continue to wear these clothes. 

Now, loosing nearly 200 pounds hasn't been all good, I am physically not as healthy as I was or thought I was with all of the weight loss. I felt great when I was 400 pounds. I ate well, I didn't exercise or do much more than hang at Disneyland on the weekends. I am far more active nowadays, but I just don't feel all that great. I take vitamins, eat fairly healthy, but still, sometimes I feel so drained. Someone recently said, maybe it was Dave Koz, an old friend that 50 is the new 30; but I don't think that is exactly true. Maybe 50 will infuse me with a renewal of much needed energy. We'll have to wait and see. In the mean time, I'm going to chat with Dave to see what his secret is. Perhaps he'll share it with me.

Go For It!

I remember my first ever union meeting when I was in the Society of Film Composers and Lyricists. Everyone was in the process of forming this union for those of us who worked in film and television. Someone stood up and started to speak and as I recall he was a member of the Writers Guild based in Hollywood, California. He said some poignant statements. One being that ALL writers, despite your genre or writing tools are faced with that same blank page that stares you in the face; one has to create the art that goes onto that blank page.

This is not an easy thing. For one; sometimes; some people have so many things floating through their mind that they know not what to put on that page. For that reason, we prioritize. One would just hope that the words we put onto that page, forms into something that other people will find stimulating and illuminating enough to compel them to read this work; am additionally, help these readers find some joy in reading these words that people put down on paper.

I know very few people actually use paper anymore; more often than not, people create their opuses on laptops, desktops and ipads or some other sort of tablet device. With the help of a Bluetooth keyboard, sometimes, I create notes on my smart phone and email the note to my yahoo account where I can then cut and past it into my word software, then I could fine tune whatever it is that I am working on. That is not the case with this note; I am actually sitting at my laptop, watching CNN and contemplating exactly what I want to say. 

I keep a folder on my computer filled with ideas for notes, blogs, essays… There are a lot of ideas! However, I don’t know how much of these thoughts really belong outside of my head. I have thoughts about the sequestration, the papal conclave, Bloomberg’s attack on sugary drinks and junk food, and so many other things that people most likely don’t really give any thought to. People other than myself anyway.

The worse thing is, when I’m asleep in the middle of the night (which I enjoy immensely), and I suddenly awaken with some crazy idea for a note topic and I have to sit up and make a file on the ipad. When I finally get back to that topic; the enthusiasm and drive is gone; my thoughts have moved on to something else. Go figure.

I find the same to be true when I’m currently occupied with a project and a piece of music; a germ to say, makes itself present in my mind. I feel compelled to immediately run to my mini-disc recorder and hum or sing my little musical germ to see if it grows into some sort of musical infection (lol!).

As I mentioned earlier, all creators; writers, composers, authors, reporters, etc. are faced with that empty page for which to put on their opus. One of my favorite directors/writer/author/actor and all around great guy, Kevin Smith of Silent Bob fame, once made the comment when it comes to creating something was “Why Not?” do it; just go for it and don’t look back.

This does open a can of worms. Within all of us, there is an invisible barrier; a line, a wall, a crevice, canyon, river, ocean or stream that holds us back from going all out. I know this because just when I am about to let it all out; to go for it; I run straight into that damn wall! Really; what could happen if I write something so eye opening or jaw dropping? What could it really do? Compel people to think? Compel people to talk and contemplate the thoughts that run deep through our minds? I don’t see how that could be a bad thing.

I personally have been aware of this barrier for quite some time. I have sat and pondered how I am going to breach this barrier. It would be awesome if I could go into my psyche to lay waste to this invisible limiter, either with a RPG or some C-4 and a remote detonator; however, this is impossible. I think that the only way to truly defeat this barrier is to take it head on with an Abrams Tank. Just punch through it and keep going. This is what I am going to have to do in order to breach this barrier and discover my true ability.

This undertaking is scary, but necessary.

I continue to work toward this goal. I invite all of you to also undertake this endeavor. Imagine a world full of people who don’t hold back; what an interesting world we’d find ourselves in.

More later!

Zero Tolerance

ZERO TOLERANCE 
It was reported on CNN today that an 8 year old boy was suspended from his grammar school for fashioning a pastry into what appeared to be a gun in class during his snack period! He was reported to have pointed the pastry at people and said, “Bang!”
Let this set in…..
Really!!! What kind of assholes do we have educating out children? Having been an educator/therapist at one time in my life, I viewed this and the interview with the child and his father and thought; What the fuck?!?! 
When I was in school, in Southern California, I had fellow students who carried real guns in school; they carried pellet guns, bb guns, knives, toys and real. Scary to think of today, and had anyone been found out they’d have been suspended, and I believe, deservedly so. 
This little boy just bit his donut into what appeared to be a gun. Reportedly he wasn’t trying to do that; it just happened. 
I think that as our society continues to run around shouting out that the sky is falling; is going to seriously inhibit our children’s self expression. 
Had this child, said he was going to bring in a gun and shoot everyone; then I could see this type of punishment being given. 
Had this child slapped, hit, kicked or spit on a student or teacher; I could see a suspension being an appropriate action to change the direction of this child’s behavior. That wasn’t the case. 
Walk down the aisle of any toy department and you’ll find guns, holsters, machine guns, bows and arrows, space phasers and all types of soft projectile toys. Anyone ever play with a NERF gun? I did. Hell, sometimes, I still do.
When I was young, my father took me out and taught me how to shoot a real gun. I was taught how to carry a weapon, load a weapon and shoot a weapon. I was also taught to RESPECT that weapon. 
I have owned a gun since I was ten years old. I have never brandished a weapon in anger, nor have I even thought of it. 
A weapon is for self defense, to protect yourself and those that you love. 
I believe that it is every SANE citizens duty to own and know how to operate a self defense weapon. I don’t think that our country wants to be a country of victims. Failure to be able to defend yourself and your loved ones can indeed make you a target to be a victim of violence.
Kids play video games that are violent, they watch television and movies that are violent, they read books that are violent, and yet most, are not violent. It’s that .00001 child that gets
punished. I wonder if his teacher just dislikes that child.
In my classroom, I’d have called that particular child over and told him that donuts were for eating; not shooting at people and let it go. This child’s teacher was probably some leftist nut job thinking that guns are evil. In my humble opinion, this teacher is EVIL; terrorizing some poor kid. Counsel the child, don’t punish the child; unless the behavioral outburst truly warrants a punishment. 
Get over it teachers; love and nurture your student from 4 to 24; they’ll be better students and you’ll be a better teacher for the effort!

The Daily Dribble

So, I haven't written anything in a while; I don’t really know why. I try to stay away from the computer for a while sometimes. Of course, there is still the ipod, ipad and droid; they all have some form of online capabilities. Anyway, in the interim, life has been okay; mom is doing better and Roy is well, thankfully. Chico is doing great though he is a bit sad that Amber and Jon went home yesterday. I sometimes feel bad for the little guy because he loves Amber so much. I know he'll feel better when Amber moves in with us at the beginning of summer. Chico is so much fun to have around the house most of the time. Sometimes he does get a bit irritating when he demands that I take him outside, even though, Roy or Mom have already done so.

There are moments that I am extremely thrilled that I have Cheeks in my life. I really miss him when he is hanging out with Amber when she visits. I guess I just have gotten used to having him around all the time. I do know that he loves Amber so very much. After all, he left his family and came across country for her. Other than mom and sometimes, Roy, I don't have too many people to talk to at home; that is the cost of being a-social or as I call it; a cave hermit. I love to spend my time at home in my room. I have all the luxuries necessary, except for a mini-fridge or a microwave oven. I don't really need those though, because I am only a few steps away from the kitchen; when we finally move in July that may be different. I will contemplate having those items then. But right now...

I have been watching the news with so much going on in the world in the last week. Car chases and shootings in Las Vegas, the Pope retiring; unprecedented; the nation about to come to a standstill over some financial sequester that Obama set up years ago, which could lead to tens of thousands of people to be furloughed out of work.

Through all of this, people are going on their merry way. It is as if people don’t care about what goes on outside of their little realm of life.  Maybe it’s better that way; just worry about yourself. We as a nation are no longer worried about each other.  We worry only about ourselves and it’s starting show. There is no camaraderie as there once was amongst us. I fail to see any type of brotherhood amongst Americans. I don’t think that there is a binding spirit that will continue to hold us together as time goes on; and I wonder what will happen when the shit hits the fan, how we will get each other through it; how America will continue to be great or even find it’s greatness that it once had. America needs to awaken and see that things are not wonderful in this once great land. We need to see it; and act upon it; and quickly.

The Catholic Church(of which I am a member of), is going through so much right now. Everyone is quick to judge the priests, cardinals and anyone else connected with the Church. Benedict the XIV is slated to leave the Vatican tonight. He is going into a self-imposed exile. The details make it sound like he’s going into incarceration. The original news story was that he planned on living out the rest of his days back in Germany with his brother; a quiet life filled with all of the things he enjoyed in his youth. However, the Vatican has other plans for him. Instead, for the next few months he will be residing in the Papal Summer Home, sans ring, and red shoes. He will be wearing a pair of brown shoes that were given to him on his recent visit to Mexico. He will dress in a simple white cassock with no symbols of his once esteemed position in the church. In a few months, he will go to live in a convent that is being remodeled for him to live out the rest of his days. He will carry the title of “Pontificus Emeritus” or “His Holiness”.

I mentioned to mom, if it were me; I’d leave the priesthood, and go live my life as a commoner; a lay person who would be able to enjoy his life; what’s left of it, anyway.
I do understand why this is happening. It would be very hard to live in peace; people following you around, reporters questioning you on every move the church makes. It’s not like the world would respect his privacy. I wish him well; as well as his replacement; he’ll need it.

It is going to be interesting to see how the Catholic Church changes over the next few years. I remember when Cardinal Ratzinger took over as Pope Benedict; it was said then, that due to his heightened age, he would be a transition-era pope. Hopefully, the College of the Cardinals will conclave and choose a young, strong, intelligent replacement for Benedict; a Pope that will see the world with fresh eyes. I think that the Church and the world need that.

My little piece of the world is much simpler than what goes on around me. I am fortunate in that manner. I go to work, come home, eat, sleep, take care of mom and Roy; Chico too; spend time watching TV in my man-cave; mostly it’s a cush life. Of course, my life isn’t perfect. There are some aspects to my life that are stressful; not a lot, but some, like most people on Earth.

I think sometimes; I like many other people on Earth, make mountains out of mole-hills.  I am a very blessed individual.  I try not to forget that. Sometimes, I do. I am resolved to be grateful for every moment of my life for the rest of my life. I want to accept my life as it comes and try to regulate it to be as positive for everyone around me as I possibly can.  More later…