I wonder if all families are crazy? Sometimes, I enjoy sitting back and just watch what people are going through. What gets me is the pettiness of some things. Shit that goes back decades! I think about my dad sometimes. I always think of the good things. My dad was a great guy. Like I once described him to my friend Jo Hill back at Northpoint, "He was the best father he knew how to be..."
Dad didn't have great examples back in his youth with his family. I don't want to go into it fully because, well, it would affect the family dynamic with everyone who is still around. Also, personally, I am a firm believer in not putting ones laundry out to dry in public; suffice to say, I believe that one will be who he wants to be, despite outside influences.
I had a great upbringing. I was able to travel as a child, had the benefit of a private education and I had a family who loved me. I think they still do(love me, that is!), I know that I love them. it's like I tell the big guy upstairs everyday, I'd be nothing without them. I am well aware of that.
Dad made sure that we always had everything we needed; and stuff we didn't need as well. We went on vacations several times a year. We had bicycles, motorcycles, boats and all the extras that one could want. Life wasn't perfect by any means, but I/we were greatly blessed. We still are.
I don't know that I was the son that my father wanted. I did grow up pretty much not giving him any grief. I worked hard at that. I grew up watching my alcoholic uncle creating grief for everyone in the family. He was a real piece of work. He was one of the most intelligent men I have ever encountered in my life, but he didn't have the sense to come in out of the rain. Anyone know someone like that??? He is still a major asshole. Anyway, enough about him.
I was no saint; but I tried to be as good as I could be. Yes, I was a liar, a thief and a manipulator in my youth... but after a couple of behavioral interventions from my mom, dad and Grandpa Pete, I saw the errors of my ways... Of course when I acted out, the Penguins(nuns) at school typically found out what I was up to and they'd lay in to me too.
I know that I am a sinner, I profess this to the lord every morning, afternoon and night. I ask him to help me be the best person I possibly can be. No easy task. I honestly feel for my Guardian Angel, he has a tough job. I do try to live a decent life and to be the type of person who gives back to society as opposed to the type that takes away or is a burden upon society.
Is it easy; well, sometimes. However, like most people, I am tempted at times. Sin exists in the realm of the physical world; but the planning exists in the human psyche.
Everyone, goes through these things. Everyone experiences temptation. Some succumb to it, others defeat it. Despite ones response; it is safe to say, that temptation leaves an impact on your personality, character. This could be positive or negative, perhaps even some elements of both. No matter what, whomever we choose to be, we are human. We all have good and bad elements within us. We all have to learn to control these entities within us.
People who sit and ponder their place in the world, need to find the good things that they have within them. Sometimes this is hard for humans. I think it is hard for most people to say or admit the benevolence that they possess. It is far easier to ponder ones faults. I know it is for me.
Once, when I was at Northpoint, I had to respond on one of my employee evaluations, what my strengths were, in detail. Now, I know what they are; but admitting them aloud, well that's a different thing. I am great at most things that I undertake; however I try to show some semblance of humility. Not always an easy undertaking. But, one try's anyway.
I have no trouble writing that I am great at everything I do. I believe that comes from something instilled in me by my dad. He always told me to not do things in a "mickey mouse" manner. He told me if I was going to be a shit shoveler, to be the best shit shoveler I could be. Thankfully, it hasn't come to that, yet. There is still time though!
Knowing how great I am(ahem), I have to look in the mirror and also admit that I am a lazy motherfucker. I own it. I am the laziest person I know. If in my travels, whether it be training or coordinating at Disney; or just in my daily encounters with people, I come across someone whom I consider to be lazy; that is a bad thing.
Some people don't think I am lazy. I do appear to be a hard worker and I take pride in my work ethic. I am getting older. This month, I will be turning 49 years old; all that I can say is "wow".
I don't think that I ever imagined myself at this age. In truth, it ain't no thing. I don't feel any different from when I was 29, 39 or 16 for that matter.
I am in better physical shape than I was 20 years ago. I have lost nearly 200 pounds in the last eight years and I can really see it. I am still wearing the same clothes, which fit me like a tent for the most part and everyone around me tells me to buy new clothes but the truth is, it reminds me of where I was to continue to wear these clothes.
Now, loosing nearly 200 pounds hasn't been all good, I am physically not as healthy as I was or thought I was with all of the weight loss. I felt great when I was 400 pounds. I ate well, I didn't exercise or do much more than hang at Disneyland on the weekends. I am far more active nowadays, but I just don't feel all that great. I take vitamins, eat fairly healthy, but still, sometimes I feel so drained. Someone recently said, maybe it was Dave Koz, an old friend that 50 is the new 30; but I don't think that is exactly true. Maybe 50 will infuse me with a renewal of much needed energy. We'll have to wait and see. In the mean time, I'm going to chat with Dave to see what his secret is. Perhaps he'll share it with me.
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