Relationships... to have or not to have?

So, I was sitting on the backstage bus the other day, on my way to the International Gateway entrance and even though I was listening to my ipod, rather loudly, I could still hear the conversation of a couple of girls speaking a few seats away from me.
It appears that one of them was having trouble in her relationship with someone.
I’ve never understood much about relationships. What creates them? What feeds them? How do some endure; and why do some die swiftly; and, why do some suffer lingering misery?
I’ve never been lucky when it comes to relationships. Yes, I’ve had a couple, but never really satisfying. In my youth, I was a hopeful romantic. Now, I try not to even imagine what the possibilities could be. I would rather save my fragile heart anymore pain.
I have to go out of my way to avoid even engaging with members of the opposite sex and when I do; I have to continually remind myself that I am only in the process of making acquaintances. I met a really awesome girl at work yesterday. She was smart, witty, and attractive. She stirred something in me that haven’t stirred in a long time. It did make me contemplate what the possibilities of life could be. But, having strode down that road many times before, finding only dead ends; I enjoyed the moments we spent interacting together and continued on my way; as always.
I am the kind of man that sabotages his own relationships.
When I was a younger man, this was out of fear; not knowing if I was able to sustain and maintain a relationship with another. I always promised myself that I would never force a woman to endure pain or heartache because of me.
Everyone has that friend; the one we secretly admire and loath; the one that has no problems luring members of the opposite sex. It appears that they have their fair share and yours too. I was that person in my youth. Unfortunately it didn’t carry over to my adulthood; and my main problem was that I never got the girl I wanted; almost like my sights were off. I always got the girl to the right or the left… except for maybe once or twice… and those times were wonderful.
I have tried being myself, being someone different, whom I kinda’ was in an earlier life.
Being mysterious and worldly, dark and brooding can be alluring to the opposite sex; but in my experience, it is too exhausting to carry on for long periods of time. However, if you are looking for a short lived, exciting tryst, this may be the way to go. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not the route I want to take. As I mature(get older), I find my needs and desires change. I no longer am looking for that burning, sensual, white-hot love affair. I want more; I want companionship. Someone to go to a move with; someone to have a conversation with; someone to enjoy a quiet night on the couch with; or even share a morning cup of coffee with as one is immersed in the morning paper or weekly edition of TIME magazine. Funny how time changes you. I find it strange how ones needs, emotionally, physically and sexually change from day to day. I wonder if anyone thinks like I do; or if I’m just totally insane? So many questions… and perhaps one day, I’ll have the answers… but probably not.